Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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