Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just high enough for therapy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
