saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
