i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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