so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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