saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
