she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
