I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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