All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
