My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
