Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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