I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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