Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
