I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
