Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am one with the molecules
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
