This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
