All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
