got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
