He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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