you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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