The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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