you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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