come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
