i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
