And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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