I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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