And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
