new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
