i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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