Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
