Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
