I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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