So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
