no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
