so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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