thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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