sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
