My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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