windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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