My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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