Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
