I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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