I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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