I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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