Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just high enough for therapy.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
