and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my being single is dangerous.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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