i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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