I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
