If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
