where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
