People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
