She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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