Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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