is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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