they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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