Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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