There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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