I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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