I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
