my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
