i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
