I just pynch a tree in the face
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
