im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
