I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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