drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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