..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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