i jhust puked up my retainher.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
