Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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