My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We need to get me chipped asap
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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