call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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