My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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