everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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